A New, Bestselling Children's Book About Latkes

So, the other night Megen and I were in the grocery store trying to come up with some dinner we could make, when the brilliant idea hit me, Latkes. I love Latkes, in all their greasy, heart attack inducing goodness, so obviously this is always a good plan. If Christians can have Christmas in July, well us Jews can have Hannukah in August because a. we're just more patient, case in point we're still waiting on our messiah and b. then we actually might have Hannukah in November and that is less waiting, which we can handle as well. So I made the Latkes and they turned out quite well, if perhaps a little under-salted and due to the lack of paper towel a little over-greasy, but still fried potatoes and onions, you can't really go wrong. Megen and I enjoyed the Latkes while watching Hellboy, and put them back in the fridge, on a plate covered in tin foil. The next morning I woke up, ate some latkes, and thought I put them back in the fridge. Well it turns out, after lost of confusion and declaring that the fridge had most definitely eaten the latkes, that they were actually placed in the cupboard. So this very silly state of affairs has inspired an idea for a children's book. Below is an excerpt from my New York Times Book List Topping, Newbury award winning book, The Case of the Missing Latkes.

Shmuel could not believe his ears. Someone had stolen the Latkes! Those delicious, golden brown potato pancakes that he had worked so hard to make with his m0ther had disappeared. Who would do such a thing? Well, Shmuel had listened to his father read him Sherlock Holmes and he knew what to do. He would find who stole them and get the Latkes back.

Shmuel walked up to his room, he grabbed his cap, his bubble pipe, and his magnifying glass. He called to his dog, Fish, and off they went on their search. First, Shmuel looked under his bed. There were a few old socks, his toy truck (he had been looking for that), and a stack of magazines from his brother that he wasn't allowed to look at till he was 14. All interesting things, but no Latkes.

The next place he went was his parents bedroom, his mother had made the Latkes after all, maybe she wanted them all for herself. He thought about where she would hide them if she wanted them to herself and realized they were probably in her dresser. He opened the first drawer and there was nothing but jewelry. Then he opened the second drawer which only had some socks. All of a sudden, Fish started barking! What could it be had Fish found the Latkes?

To find out what happened to the Latkes, well read my first story. By the way for those who don't know, the word for Fish in Hebrew sounds a lot like dog, so I've always thought it'd be funny to name a dog Fish.

Ice Cream Flavor of the Week: Latke?

Regression

Currently on Hampshire's campus there are multiple camps. They range from language, to math, to fat camp, and I think there might be a new arts camp. The kids roam the campus in packs and some are randomly standing outside my office for no apparent reason. I honestly can't really tell one camp from another for the main reason that almost all the kids appear to be in the 11-15 age range. Now, perhaps there are some outside of that, but for the most part I think that's what they are. So when I say that I have this sudden feeling that I'm back in middle school, I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.

What's weird about seeing middle schoolers in large groups, for me, is that internally I feel like I'm regressing to that age when I see them. I don't do that with elementary school age or high school kids. When I see them I just walk past them. But middle schoolers, they walk past and I sometimes feel my throat start to restrict or I get that uncomfortable, nervous feeling I had 24/7 in middle school. I see them and I feel like I should throw on a bucket hat, an oversized shirt, and silently mourn the fact that I don't really have anyone to sit with at the lunch table. I feel like I should rat out a friend to another friend and vice versa the next day. Except, I kind of feel like I should do it on a more mature level. Like rather than just saying, "so and so has a crush on the same person you do," I should say "so and so slept with your boyfriend." Even though I've never really been that vindictive bitch. I don't know what it is, but somehow seeing middle schoolers in packs inwardly regresses my mental processes to a twelve year old level.

Ice Cream Flavor of the Week: Chocolate Covered Granola Bar (in honor of my favorite middle school snack), Chocolate Ice Cream with pieces of Chocolate Covered Granola Bar mixed in and a Chocolate Swirl.

A New Post Finally

So, I'm sitting at work and I'm the only one in here and I feel that it's time to update this thing. I would like to talk about alter egos. I have recently decided that my alter ego is a warrior from the Land of Pak named "Lux the Conquerer." Now, anyone who reads this knows that I'm about as far from a pseudo viking warrior as one can get. Yet, I truly have this secret desire to burn and pillage (but not rape of course, because rape is bad.) Well, ok maybe not burn and pillage but start a revolution, you bet your ass I do. So, I have, with a little help from some friends, created the alter ego of Lux the Conquerer.

I also am working on creating my alter ego of Jack Benimble. Jack Benimble, will be my drag alter ego. He is an orphan in London at the turn of the twentieth century whose works as a paper boy, but has the secret desire of performing in Music Halls, so at night he sneaks into the closed halls and performs to empty theatres. In order to successfully accomplish making this persona I have to work out a Cockney accent, find an outfit, and frankly learn to perform.

So why do we (I'm assuming we although frankly I could be the only crazy person who wants alter egos) desire an alternative persona. I know for me, while I'm perfectly happy with my life, I do long for the excitement of a Viking warrior or the freedom of a turn of the century London orphan. Of course, both of these are highly romanticized, knowing that to be either a Viking or a turn of the century orphan, is a very difficult and unromantic life. But then isn't the point of an alternative being the romanticism of a time in which you don't live and frankly could never begin to actually live in. Anyway, do we all desire secretly to be somebody else, or am I just crazy?

Ice Cream Flavor of the Week: Boysenberries and Nectarines mixed in White Chocolate Ice Cream

Goodness I've been a bad blogger. I haven't had a post in ages. Although to be fair, there's really not that many people reading this. Ah well.

Have you ever had a moment where you've been that person? You know the one where you do something so ridiculous or annoying that the people around you tell their friends and family about.

When I was flying back to school from winter break I was that person. See I had this awful cold and it was only day to of said awful cold, so I was still really crazily stuffed up. And so I sat between two unfortunate souls and spent the entire two hour plane ride loudly and grossly blowing my nose, hacking up lungs, and moaning because the pressure in my ears was ridiculous.

Of course, you know that they were going to go home and be like, "oh my god this bitch I sat next to on the plane was coughing like she had the goddamn plague." At least that's what I would have said.

So I ask you dear readers, have you ever been that person? Be it the drunk girl at the party, the sick person on the plane, or whatever other stories you may have.

Ice cream flavor of the week: White Chocolate Cranberry-Orange

David Bowie

So recently my life has become the wonderful, magical David Bowie. The man is a godsend I swear and I cannot get enough of his music. Now, you may be wondering if all I am here to write about is the music I listen too. The answer, although tempting, is no of course not. See I am doing a report on Ziggy Stardust era Bowie for my Music of the 1970's course. Exciting, no?

While it's fantastic to read about the exploits of Ziggy Stardust, it has done just more than entertain me. It's gotten me thinking about songwriting. Now, I've been doing a bit of songwriting this year, and I actually really enjoy it. But Bowie writes unlike anyone else. I saw a quote that called it "T.S. Elliot to a rock beat." It's beautiful, it's bizarre, and it's amazing. I have only been writing in a traditional verse chorus verse style. Now I want to write something with no form at all and I want the lyrics to be other worldly.

One other thing that has happened recently is I came up with an idea for a type of music I would like to play. Imagine classic punk style, but with definite classic rock (ie Beatles and The Who) influences, with a horn section. Wouldn't it just be the most exciting music ever. Before you say anything, that is not ska. It's something else entirely.

What Truly is the Food of the Gods?

If I recall correctly the answer to the above question is technically ambrosia, the nectar of the Gods of Ancient Greece. My father argues that the two things that prove God exists are good red wine and sour cream, my mother always feels the need to submit fine chocolate to that list. I wonder, what is it about food that makes people ecstatic. I mean besides the obvious need for survival.

It seems that above all else food is a uniting factor. It brings people together, often provides for humorous stories, and is probably the thing that people get the most excited about beyond sex. Yet, lots of people are very picky about what they eat and refuse to try new things. That concept of refusing to eat new things is beyond me. Now, I should note here that I mostly keep Kosher and eat no red meat or poultry. This means that my consumption of animals is fish with scales and fins, dairy, and eggs. Yet, if the whole world of food is open to you, why deny it? I say eat with relish and of course eat relish.

Beyond silly puns though, I want to know what you think is the best food in the world. It doesn't have to be your favorite, I will admit that while cheese blintzes are probably my favorite food, I think the best food in the world are sun-dried tomatoes. So I ask, what do you think is the best food in the world? By the way, I'm really hungry, I miss really cooking, and thus this blog post was created.

Ice cream flavor of the week: Cheese Blintz (A sweet cheese base with swirls of strawberry and sour cream and bits of blinis. It would either be amazing or disgusting.)

Guilty Pleasure #528

Ok, I have a confession to make. I Sarah Danson, chosen person, Jewish proclaimer, and daughter of a Rabbi, I love Christmas time. I love everything about it. The smells, the crazy consumerism, the lights, the food, the bad music, the bad movies, everything. Now admittedly by the time Christmas itself comes around, I'm ready to shoot the next person who wishes me a Merry Christmas. However, I love right around this time of year where you can feel the excitement for it building. I love the chill in the air, the sense of anticipation that you can feel in everyone's movements, and the way that people don't quite talk about it yet. I love it.

Two days in to the actual season I always laugh at myself, because really how many times can one listen to Feliz Navidad before becoming certifiably insane. I know that when I want to cry in a month at the amount of people at big box stores I'll laugh at this post. However, right now I'm loving the pre-Christmas spirit. And damn right I'm gonna go see Fred Clause.

Ice-cream flavor of the week- Gingerbread-Egg Nog.